It’s been a while since I wrote from a personal space.
Once upon a time, I had a thriving online presence that was filled with so much joy. There was a lovely community behind it too, people cheering me on as I shared the things in my life that brought me joy.
My joy inspired their joy and the cycle just kept going round and round.
And then my personal life took a deep dive and so did my joy. I started oversharing, not as a method of venting and letting out my emotions, but I was actively participating in a public back-and-forth with my aggravators.
Everything turned ugly and I went into a shell of myself for a few years.
I don’t know if I’ve ever really gotten back to the place of pure joy. Instead, I turned to dangerous methods of coping and used my voice to tell the stories of others instead.
I became a freelance writer, writing a lot of stories I wish I could participate in myself.
And even when I allowed myself to have those experiences, I often wanted to simply just be in them. To escape life and its responsibilities and not have to share my joy.
I didn’t want to write about the things that were finally bringing me peace, I wanted to keep them for myself.
But deep down inside, I wanted to be that joyful young woman again, who exuded joy and impacted the lives of others.
The greatest compliment someone has ever paid me was that my joy brought them joy. I’ve heard that so many times in my life that I decided to reignite that spark. To start telling my own stories once more. On my own personal space.
I struggled with the name Monique Math for a while. It was a struggle steeped in the search for my identity, my voice.
I just didn’t know who I was or what I was about anymore.
But as someone who loves all things in the manifesting and Law of Attraction world, I had heard it a million times before.
We are here on this earth to experience joy.
The best thing we can do with our lives is to live it as fully and as joyfully as we can and allow our joy to permeate those around us and inspire them to seek their own joy.
So this is me, giving myself permission to just be. To be joyful in all ways and spread love and joy throughout my spaces, online and off.
This is my permission to speak up again. To participate instead of like and scroll. To not suppress me, my thoughts, and my opinions, but to engage. To dare to be wrong, to learn, to listen, to be vulnerable, and to experience joy.
I am not the woman I was a decade ago.
And a question I find I ask myself so much more these days is, “what is my thing?”
What is my passion? What is my purpose? Why did I choose to come to this planet at this time? What am I here to achieve?
Maybe the answer to that question is to simply experience this life at this time.
Maybe the answer to that question is to simply explore and have fun. To allow my joy to lead me to my passion whenever the time is right.
So instead of feeling like I should have already accomplished some great feat and have a stellar career worth lauding, I will release those expectations that have never truly been my own.
It has always been my goal to simply inspire others to live a life of joy. To live out loud, without the confines of society’s expectations.
I can’t inspire others to do that if I am timidly “smalling up myself” as we say here in Jamaica.
In about 14 months I will be 40 years old and I refuse to live the next decade as I did this one.
So one step at a time, one update at a time, with more acceptance of the nudges my intuition gives me, I will follow the path unfolding before me and not ask questions, not need to see the next 10 steps. I’ll just do me, do what feels good, and see where this life takes me.
I’m finding my voice again.
What do I want to be in this life? And what legacy do I want to leave behind?
I want to be seen as the woman who charted her own path and did it, joyfully.
I’m always the life of the party. Now I want to get back to the girl who you call up when you want to feel motivated, inspired, and reminded that you are badass and can be, do and have anything you want in this life.
I want to be the one who reminds you that there is never any reason not to feel joyful.
In my old job, I was known as the girl who always dared to make the bold moves. I was never afraid to jump off the ledge and build the parachute on the way down.
How did I lose that fire? Well, nevermind that. Let’s just move forward instead.
Now, they’ll look back on my life and say, “she was always so happy, it made everyone around her smile.”
May my infectious joy inspire yours.
Here’s to the journey of finding my voice, again.
Of choosing joy, always.
Stay updated with my shenanigans on Twitter: @moniquemath